Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Doctor To Be

Praise Allah for giving me the chance to come to the discussion with the UKM doctors, our successful seniors. MasyaAllah,I couldn’t explain this feeling I have right now. Seeing them in front there all lined up talking about their lives, what they had been through in the past 5 years of being a medical students, there was a presence of an unexplained aura. Its like I was seeing my life, my whole life ever since I could remember, passing in front of me, at the same time I saw a glimpse of my future. I guess I was seeing my whole life then… I feel like crying, I feel like smiling, I feel like screaming, I had no idea exactly what I felt.

All I did was sit there with my mouth open, listening without uttering a word, I feel like I could cry. Why? Am I too happy for them, am I too scared to enter 5th year? Yes I am too happy for them, scared to enter 5th year hopefully not… I think the reason why I felt such an overpowering aura was probably because it’s like I was seeing myself there. Seeing myself as someone who had already done it. what does that feel like? Its not enjoyment, but it is this big responsibility. Right after our names are announced as the new doctors as we had passed, its like, wham! This giant responsibility slap us in the face. With that big slap on our face, it’s not pain that I imagined, but the feel of being a grown woman, an adult. Ask ourselves, how many times in a day we have the chance to feel what its like to be an adult? The feel like we need to support ourselves with whatever we have wherever we go. We have to find ways to stand up on our own, there won’t be our parents there, no more close friends, no doctors or supervisors to guide. I don’t see weakness, but I see strength. The strength of an independent adult.

Even how much we say we realize the sacrifice we have to take as we enter medicine, only Allah’s know the real feeling we would feel once we actually be given this title. Seeing them, my life pass in front of me, I feel like ever since I was born, this is it, I was destined to be here. I was, since at first, destined to be a doctor. The life that I had been through, the mistakes I made, the sadness, happiness the tears, all of them are like talking to me, “today iman, we let you go,u should move on,we will no longer linger around u,u need now focus on ur future as it will be filled with unknown adventures dat only u can colour it” it feels like this is not a new chapter, but a new book, this is like a second life,n in this life,we are stronger and this book is about the life of a doctor. Actually, once we stepped into the world of medicine, this book had already opened. Our journey to be the person we are destined to be starts there, once we stepped into the world of medicine. How can it be that I was complaining before?!How come I was feeling demotivated?!why on earth did I slept in the class?!Why didn’t i do my homework correctly?! MasyaAllah… the biggest mistake I made was actually thinking that I am a student. The word student should be erased in the life of a medical student. For God’s sake, we are not mere students, we are future doctors. We should be called practical doctors or something, whatever with the word doctor on it. From the day we start learning, our aura should be an aura to save a life. Not just to study. We are not like other students,our learning begins now, not when we start working. By the time we work, we are expected to be able to save lives. So what do we say to that?

So be it, exam based learning or life long learning. Whatever learning we do,just do it with all our hearts.Its not the hard work that determines our ability to function but its our feel of responsibility. Who cares if we have to resit every semester,repeat a whole year,just do it!if it makes us a better doctor,then take it and be a good doctor.take all that we need to become safe doctors.we are not like other students,our responsibility as a doctor begins here.This is what should get us going each day as we enter the wards. I am not saying this to cause any uneasy feelings in our hearts, but this is our destiny, we have enter it, might as well embrace it like adults.we should never be weak in this much as we want the doctors that treat our illness to be strong, dats how strong we should that I felt it,I think I can imagine how our lecturer felt when they see us the way we are. how can we be so selfish,always thinking about our needs.we always feel so safe hiding under the nametags with the word “prasiswazah” on it.true there are things we should and could not do,but our discipline,our mental,spiritual,and bodily health should be in the doctor mode already.I hope all of us can gather strength and this strength comes from this go on with whatever we need to do today, n always remember that tomorrow we will,one day, become a doctor.

I urge,that sessions like this should be done more often.its about time someone wake us up from that safe zone and tell us that our responsibility begins now.we always feel so far away from that title.if we want to feel close to it,then get up off our set and get close to these people.these are the people that had walked the journey we will walk.even they are wishing they could do it all over again, so why don’t we start now,wherever we are,start feeling responsible now.we could think like adults right?this is not to burden us,but the feeling of responsibility is actually where pure strength comes from.the things we would do in the name responsibility,only God knows what great effect it would give…

With that,only to Allah I praise for He is Most Powerful and Knowledgeable,the One that had planned all these for us.He had choosen us to take on this responsibility to save lives.Nevertheless,the One that gives us the responsible,He will decide whether we will or will not make it in this life.We live because of Him,all that we do is for Him.If we can please Him well in this life,He will lighten our burden not just now but also in the future when we are doctors,that is His promise,and we all know that human lives is within His this is only the platform He give for us to walk while we serve Him,so walk in it with full responsibility.

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