Monday, September 26, 2011

"Misi Jubah Merah"

Last Sunday, during the 2nd Fiqh Perubatan, I met Kak Long, one of our beloved senior who had just fly from Sabah to attend their Graduation ceremony the day before. Honestly, I’ve never seen kak Long in such high spirits before. Its like she have all the energy in the world, I can see the glow of happiness when she talked about the “jubah merah” and the graduation ceremony. Me and my best pal, Hayat took a picture, and I take the chance to ‘test’ the “jubah merah” myself. Its surprisingly comfortable by the way!

I had been reflecting quite a lot on that day. Not only because I get to meet Kak Long, but during Fiqh Perubatan itself, a lot of emotions takes place. If I can, I want the whole world to know about what I’m facing during my final year, and how much it had been affecting my studies. But what I fear the most is the kind of reaction I will get from others that will eventually affect my way of thinking in a negative way. I’m not making sense am I? Well, some things are not meant to be understood. But for once, wearing that “jubah merah” made me forget about all those troubles, and I really felt like ‘my turn’ to wear it for real is really that close. The feel of that heavy red fabric hugging my body feels warm and so welcoming. Will be it be next year for me? and next year is really just a couple of months away.

In my opinion, the happiness one felt during their graduation does not depend on their PNGK or wether they received distinction or what not. It depends on the overall performance of that particular student. How much effort had he or she put in making all of it worth it. And that is something only the person themselves can determined. Success is subjective isn’t? I always told myself that success to me is really that simple, its when I manage to be happy and always giving my best effort to gain the best in the worst of situations. It doesn’t matter how well I perform, as long as I give it my best, to me that is already considered as a success.

Looking at myself right now, thinking about all the ups and downs I went through, I really felt like I had been struggling real hard. Maybe others would beg to differ, and some might even criticize me, but no matter. I was told by my teachers, that “only you know how good you are, and don’t let anyone else let you feel down”. Heck yes! I’ve been doing my best to get myself in a good shape. Sometimes I failed, but I know sooner or later I will stand up anyway and walked in one piece or in pieces. I know that above all, I have to accept myself in order for me to be accepted by others. A good friend once told me, “the only person who will make your life easier is yourself”. How true she was, even though we sometime hope that the people around us will give us all the support we need to succeed, but in the end, all we have is ourselves to decide whether we want to stay on or give up. I felt really lucky being blessed to be on the road of tarbiyyah. The locus of support I’m receiving extends massively. Sometimes I can feel that the whole world is doing their part to help me, and InsyaAllah, only Allah alone will decide for me and His decision is the best decision.